dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
