I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize