I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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