Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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