): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
