i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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