He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
