Did you just see the Batmobile???
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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