Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
