I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
