Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
