Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
