she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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