she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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