I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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