found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
