I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
