There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You can't just leave with hair like that
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
