I seem to have left my pride at pride
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
