I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
