You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
