smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize