yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
