That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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