I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
