also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
