So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
