I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
