Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
