Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
