Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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