There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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