but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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