The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
