I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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