hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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