It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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