If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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