Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
