yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
