apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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