Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
