Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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