You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
