Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
