Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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