I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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