yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
