I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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