ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
