Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
