my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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