Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize