The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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