i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
