good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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