so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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