Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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