i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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