Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
