the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
