so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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