dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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