Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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