Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
