I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
