Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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