Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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